Its been so long since i have updated, it gets a bit rusty when comes to typing. Yeah! The first thing that i am very happy about is that A levels are over. Yes. Finally over. Whatever we have worked hard for the past 2 years have finally come to an end and i have been enjoying my life since then. The feeling is good, but compares to the period after O's , it seems to be a little different. We slogged our guts out for this freedom and i am really appreciative of that. I didn't did what i have promised to slack all day long and to sleep for almost half of the day. Instead, i went for driving lessons and i am halfway done, except the final theory part, cant bear to force myself into the burden of books and whats more, i am learning about driving, a very mechanical stuff. In addition, i think a part time job is needed, and i am earning about $200 to $300 dollars a month, which is quite sufficient. Off i went for holiday to Langkawi last week and i ahve bought some stuff. Due to the unpleasant services provided, it wasn't that enjoyable and i wouldn't want to go back there again.

Lots of people are complaining about blogger. But it doesn't affect me much cos i dunt upload pictures. My aim here for today will not be to talk about how well i'll score for prelims cos my myself also dunno. so.. I'll just talk about things in general. I wonder is it because of exam stress, but it seems that my friends and i have weird dreams. Just today, i dreamt that everyone turned into vampires. So scary. so lame right? Thia year round i began to see how fragile friendships and relationships can be. haiz. Due to vanessa's prelims, i dunt think we can reallt let our hair down. To be honest, i think i have started revision long time ago. Not in a sense of memorising,( so maybe wunt do well for history and econs) but i have been practising a lot. Since this term, i have finished 8 sets of paper 2 and 5 sets of paper 1 for maths and 3 sets of paper 2 and 3 for chemistry. I am not trying to show how much of a mugger am i, but i just want to reassure myself of the hardwork i have put in. But there are differences whether do i absorb from it. i am not sure though. well, the practices include homework!!

So many things have happened and it is only.. 7 days to prelims!! to be true, i think i am not prepared. especially when i am not done with my econs and i have not started on my history. I really want to do well. But deep down inside,i knew i have given up. Why didn't i be more mature and understand what i want to do when i was in term 1? Why didn't i really understand how to study in the first place!? the new study techniques i found out was useful. But it is all too late. There are so much things to do within such a short period of time. Really? i can get into NUS if i try harder? how hard more must i try before i am able to score with flying colours? Although my combination allows me to get into good courses in the university, how sure i am that i can get into it in the first place?

My back is aching. I got a backbone problem that has been affecting my studies. i cant sit for too long, say about three hours at the most. so while other people can study for 12 hours per day, i can only study 3 hours. How much more am i able to take it with 5 hours of sleep? i am tired. seriously.

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i think my friendship with you has been the most 'exciting' and most adventurous among my 18 years of life. Once and once again, you seek for my understanding and really hope to be good friends again. How i wish we are to that close, to the extent that we'll hangout even after school and share even the most personal secrets that we ever had. But i am just so different from you. You got a wder social circle than me and that makes me dependent on you. In a more extreme tone, being friends with you makes me unable to live without you. I thought, we can be buddies, as simple minded as we seem. But yet, once and once again, especially last year, all your other friends priortise much more to you rather than me, or your 1s26 friends. I asked myself, what have we done wrong. Its okay. really.

During the december holidays, i gave a thought about it and decided that it would be at best, to e classmates, not friends. But then, i guess i was too soft hearted or you really wanted to salvage this friendship, you talked to me and stuff. We became friends. I really thought that we will be in the idealistic friendship of mine. But i realised that the fundamental problem still exist, even till now. As much as i wanna be close to you, something that has been telling me to pul back.

Now, i am happy with my life, used to forget the presence without you, you came into it again. I told myself, i do treasure this friendship. but times and times again, chnaces are minimal and i really pondered. Is Oh How Leong stupid?

there are a few times when i am sad, i really want to share with my friends. I thought of calling you. But, it s just that i hesitated. I dunt know why but yeah, i just held back. My friend, if you do really read this entry, do tell me your opinion. I am not couragous to make the first move. but i hoped that you can.

Its seems to be a one month blog one time blog already. Alright, June Holidays is over and i am left with .. 34 days to prelims!!!!! Oh gosh. it is like.. so much to study, revise and i have to score, let alone pass. For the past june holidays, what have i been doing? i have calculated, i think i went out for.. 4 times? i think the amount is quite adequate, or maybe its a lot to some people. Yes, i did finished my holiday homework and perhaps, scrimp and save some time for revision. Now, the war between me and my books begins

its already term 3 week3, time flies. although the timetable has been shorten, teachers still call for extra timetable, reverting back into the old timetable. hence, i guess i am getting more and more lethargic. Its seems like i am having tests every now and then. I guessed that there's both good and bad ways.yup yup. I really want to score well, i realy do. I am prepared to work hard. But i just do not want my effort to go into waste when i do not know that my studying method is wrong or what so ever.

1. Besides lips, where is ur fave spot to get kiss?
hmm. forehead?

2. How do u feel when u woke up this morning?
depressed

3. Who was the last person u talked to?
Mum

4. Do u consider urself to be spoiled?
nope

5. Would you donate blood?
dunt think so

6. Have u ever had a best friend from the opposite sex?
haha. of course.

7. Do u want someone dead?- for?
nope.

8. What does the last msg say?
hey who should be down for this wed's band meeting and all?

9. What are u thinking right now?
i dunt wanna study anymore

10. Do u wish someone is right here with u now?
yup.

11. What time did u went to bed last night?
12am

12. where did u buy the T-shirt u are wearing now?
Giordano

13. Is someone in ur mind?
yup.

14. who was the last person u texted?
Joanne

15. 10 person tagged to do this quiz
1) Jiawen
2) Jiaxin
3)Jiaqin
4)Vanessa
5)Xinying
6)Kelly
7)Huiyu
8)Waiihoong
9) Taihong
10) Elliot

16) who is 2 having a relationship with?
No one

17) is 3 male or female?
female

18) if 7 and 6 get tgt,would it be a good thing?
erm. they dunt know each other

19) what is 1 studying about?
GP,Maths,Chem, Econs, History

20) when was the last time u chatted with no. 5?
friday

21) is 4 single?
yup. and available

22) say something about 2?
my soul mate

23) what do you think of 3 and 6 being tgt?
They dunt know each other

24) what will u do if 1 and 3 fight?
One will win

25) do u like 3 ?
yup. My another soul mate!!

my 225th post since the day i've started this blog. the exact PSLE score i had in 2003. To some people, it seems to be good or alright to some extent. But being a class of EM1 students i topped the bottom. Where did my classmates went to? Raffles Institution, Cedar girl's. crescent girl's St nicholas girl's, Anderson Sec, all the top schools in Singapore. I should have felt shameful. Because i went to Yishun town. As much as Yishun Town improved alot, and was in the band 6, where am i now?- Serangoon junior college. A neighbourhood JC, which i think bottomed for A levels a few years back. Then where are my primary classmates?- Temasek JC, National Jc, RJC, AJC.

I kept thinking. why didn't i do better for my O levels result? L1R5 of 17. I think it's pretty high. I think the only reason is because i didn;t study when i was in sec 3 and in early part of sec 4. I wasn't very matured then. I didn't realise the power of education and how much education is used as a form of judgement. I kept telling myself, i must work hard. I must shine when i am in JC.

In JC1, it was tough. Failong my maths all the way even though i was very keen and hardworking. I thought with my amount of efforts put in, i will get a decent grade. Too bad, i didn't. I was advanced to JC2 instead, People sneered at me. So much for a mugger who worked so hard and yet acheved nothing out of it. I thought that with effort put in, i would at least clear distinctively. But it seemed that i was wrong. I changed. I changed my studying method. I dunt think people could understand how i have been feeling. When you know, people are speaking behind your back, laughing at how much you work and in the end, gotten a lousier result than someone who's attitude is not there, whose effort put in is not there. It was biased. I told myself. I thought i should just give up and fall back to other means of education. But i realise, i had to endure. So during the december holidays, i tried various methods of studying and penalise myself down, eve though i am arrogant and refused to admit my mistakes at a lot of times.

In JC2, this year, it was.. I truly thought that Band might be one of the potential problems and so, i tried to compesate for it by starting mid year revision way beforehand. I know that this form of planning may not do me any goood, but it seems to be the best. MAny nights of slogging, trying to complete my tutorils, doing revision, making plans for my band, it does not seem to be easy. I kept telling myself that if i give up now, i am dead. so, i still held my heads high, and continued the journey which was the toughest out of this 18 years of life.

Now, after getting my mid year results, i really wonder. what should i do. As i am typing now, tears are rolling down. I fely guilty and sorry for those who loved and cared for me. My family, Ms Ong, Mr Ang, Ms Toh. I felt as if i do not deserve your consultations anymore. I am at loss. While preparing for mid years, i am scared. I do not want to history to repeat itself again whereby i flunk my studies and all of that agin. I wept, i seeked for help.

Where am i now? it was worse than common test, when so much effort is put in. i am desperate. When Ms ong told us that, our results from mid years will vary at 1 to 2 grades. i was thinking. wouldn't i get E s all the way? where can i go? I really feel like giving up. Before getting back my results, i was still on task. now? i cant even bear to bury myself down into the list of sorrow and sadness and start afresh.

Labels: At my wits

Alright, I am back to blogging. I woke up late today, later than i expected, like around 11? i think thats because i slept at 3am? I was talking to Chester on the phone for about 2 hours. I guessed most guys dunt do back because to them, it sounds gay and all the chattering words they are thinking of. Yup. I seriously told him how i felt about him for this past two months. Somehow, i have realised that i have woken him up, because its 5 months- 1day to A levels. I really hope that he can take in my advice and reflect upon himself.
I just realise i am beginning not to trust people too much. Is it a good thing? i dunt know.